Kiss Me

 

 Contributed by Deb Neuman

 

Kids say the darndest things.   Not long ago, I was engaged in a conversation with my 7 and 9 year old niece and nephew when they decided they wanted to talk about why I didn't have a boyfriend and offer me some advice in the love department.  They started to make a list of the qualities I should look for.   I played along and listened as they thought carefully and wrote down the following:

"He has to be cute and funny - he has to be smart - he has to like your family (us) and cats - he has to like cats."   My niece added, "He should have good teeth and brush them.   Then my nephew added, "He has to be someone you want to kiss - or he'll just be your friend - not your boyfriend."   He was absolutely right and the results of new research prove how right he was when it comes to the importance of that kiss!

A recent study by Oxford University researchers suggests kissing helps us size up potential partners and, once in a relationship, may be a way of keeping your partner around.   Researchers conducted an online survey in which more than 900 adults answered questions about the role of kissing in short and long-term relationships.

Mate choice and courtship in humans is complex," said head researcher Dr. Robin Dunbar. "It involves a series of periods of assessments where people ask themselves 'shall I carry on deeper into this relationship?' Initial attraction may include facial, body, and social cues. The assessments become more and more intimate as we go deeper into the courtship stage, and this is where kissing comes in."

The survey responses, showed that women rated kissing as generally more important in relationships than men.  Previous studies have shown women tend to be more selective than men when initially choosing a partner, but both groups place a high value on kissing, suggesting it may help in assessing a potential mate.

The team found that kissings importance changed for people according to whether or not they were in long-term or short-term relationships. While in short-term relationships, both men and women said kissing was important before sex, but less so both during and after sex.

If you've already found your mate - the study showed that in committed relationships, women rated kissing as more important than men and more frequent kissing in a relationship was linked to the quality of a relationship and seen as an important way to bond outside the context of sex.

So pucker up to find (and keep) your best mate!

The researchers report their findings in two papers, one in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior and the second in the journal Human Nature, both published by Springer. They were funded by the European Research Council.